Wargaming ASKEW: Predictions for the New Year!
I know it has been far too long. I have been away for a very good reason. Every so often I must replenish my chakra and wargaming mojo. This particular time I decided to seek the help of a guru in the hopes of understanding the nature of the Wargaming universe.
So in order to gain true gaming enlightenment I drove about 40min to a secret wargaming ashram. The intention of my journey was merely– as I said replenish myself, instead I got what I could only describe as prophetic insights into the future of wargaming. To be handed such a gift was at first very overwhelming, but as I was forced to contemplate this gift I become more and more acclimated to such overwhelming knowledge.
The gift I was given came from the all knowing Guru by the name Primplepuss Prophet in Fur.
Primplepuss has predicted many things though out the Wargaming age. Like the Fall of Heroclix, Andy Chamber’s poor business decisions, and release of the Dark Eldar. Primplepuss prophetic ability comes from his third leg.
Here are the best translations of my stay with Primplepuss…
It all concerned the future of Games Workshop.
BY SPRIN I C GREY CLOUD DAT SWEEPS ACROS TEH LAND ARRIVIN JUS IN TIEM 4 DA DAI OV FOOLS.
AS TEH TEMPERACHUR RISEZ TEH WITE BOOK SHALL USHR IN DA NEW FLEET OV WINGS 4 ALL TRAIN AN MASTAH
FRUM TEH TOMBS OV METAL AN SAND ARMIEZ WILL RIZE WIF LARGE MACHINEZ NEVR BEFORE SEEN BY TEH DOODZ OV EMPIRE OR IMPERIUM
BY TEH FURST SNOW TEH CHAMPION OV TEH EMPROROR WILL FINALLY RETURN 2 BRIN REVERANT GLORY 2 TEH THRONE OV GOLD
Primplepuss also gave me some warnings for all those that dream of their armies return.
TEH JERVIS WILL WRESTLE 4 DA FATE OV TEH FEMALE PROTECTORS FRUM BEAN HIDDEN ONLY IN DA WEB DAT SURROUNDZ TEH WURLD
Primplepuss often enters a possessed state when being given certain insights.
It was at this point that Primplepuss had to be separated from me and his followers for everyone safety. Even with these precautions Primplepuss was not to be deterred to speaking his truths.
TEH DYING AN TEH SERVANTS OV TEH 4 R JUS A DISTANT GLIMMR IN DA EYE OV TEH SMITHS OV CITADEL
I was laid bare by these revelations trying to come to grips with such knowledge– still more came.
AS TEH LONG COUNT DRAWS 2 ITZ END IT WILL BE REVEALD DAT TEH MAKERS OV TEH MACHINEZ OV ENDLES WAR WILL RIZE WIF NEW ARMY 2 BE FEILDD 4 DA SERVANTS OV MAN
Almost exhausted by this ordeal Primplepuss had one final revelation before fainting.
Nothing though could prepare me for this…
DELIVERD BY TEH HAND OV BROTHR 2 TEH CHILDREN OV PRIESTLEY THEIR SHALL RIZE FORCE CAPABLE OV CHALLENGIN TEH CHILDREN OV PRIESTLEY 4 DOMINASHUN OV TEH WURLD OV WAR
What does this all mean? I have some ideas. Primplepuss chose me to deliver these gifts to those that love to guess at the what the future may bring to our little hobby.
Hope everyone is having a great holiday! What does a three legged cat have to do with Warhammer? How warm really is a snuggy? What do you hope the new year brings for wargaming? Also visit Bloodofkittens.com for all the latest about things you wish you didn’t care about.
