Beauty and the Geek
It’s time for a woman’s point of view on getting girlfriends and spouses into the hobby.
Face it, whether you want to admit it or not you’re a geek. One of the things we hear about in Warhammer is the lack of support from our spouses/partners (Beauty). I share on my personal blog the story of how I got into playing Fantasy, but I am not most women. I can offer a bit of my thoughts on why they may not want to get involved with Warhammer and what you can do to stop pushing them away from getting involved.
I have a large extended family and we always played board games. As we got married I was stunned by the attitude of the women that married in, who refused to participate. Their answer to why is similar to the answer I get from Beauties connected to Geeks playing Warhammer: they’re too competitive, we have kids, I don’t understand how it works, every time he tries to teach me we get into a fight, and the number one answer is that they are uncomfortable being there because of the conversations or the way men ogle them when they do come, even to watch.
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| Painting, painting away… |
Think about a recent Warhammer event: what did you talk about? What did you laugh at? What did you do? If you are like typical Warhammer crowds there is lots of talk about the newest army book, how bad you got beat in your last game, alcohol, “hook ups” or the incriminating pictures from the last event…there are crude jokes, leering comments, ogling any women who happen to be around (admit it: you were most appreciative of the women at the last Con). ….the list goes on
Women learn to deal with your geek-ness and even find it sexy to varying degrees (though not all of them will admit to that) but it is many of these “man-haviours” that make Warhammer a less inviting place for them to be. Not to mention that admitting geek-ness to a man is a hard thing for most women to do. In the recent times female geeks have become more accepted but that doesn’t mean they’ll play Warhammer.
It’s one big competition. Warhammer is a world of war and of competing to be the best. Whether painting, gaming or sportsmanship there is always something to compete for: there is no way to fix the competition side of Fantasy, but men need to accept that women can and will win and treat them as equal competitors.
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| Lizz Foster, winner of the Bay Area Open |
We have kids. I have children too: to pay a babysitter to look after them so I can play Warhammer for an evening I am going to be paying at least $100. I have been immensely lucky to have family who look after them for most game nights and tournaments. In our community gamers also come to our home so that we can game and not have to pay for a babysitter. If you don’t have kids this is obviously not a concern but for those that do if you want your women to game then you really need to consider this factor and find a legitimate solution.
I don’t understand it/we fight when he tries to explain. Men think about things differently than women most of the time. If your lady has shown enough interest that she wants to learn Warhammer you need to slow things down and teach her the way that she needs to learn (I learn by doing not reading), sometimes this means letting someone else do the teaching. Don’t try to make her think the way you do, let her see the battlefield through her own eyes and if you start arguing all the time about it, find someone else to take over teaching her.
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| Team Ball and Chain hit the tourney circuit! |
Discomfort. There is nothing worse or better as a woman than walking into a room and having every eye on you and realizing you are the only woman in the room. Sometimes that can be quite flattering but when it comes to playing Warhammer it is just creepy and uncomfortable. Stop staring, stop making crude innuendos, stop leering and above all stop trying to cop a feel or stare. I worked for GW for a time and because I was a woman working there a few more wives and girlfriends felt comfortable coming into the shop but there was one time that I remember before that was the case. This girl came in with her boyfriend: she was gorgeous and yes she was wearing a short skirt and heels and had a killer body. When she came in the store the whole room stopped: paint dripped from paint brushes, dice fell on the table and were not picked up, all just stared at her. No one spoke. The other staff did not offer assistance. This is certainly not a good way to make her feel comfortable! If you don’t think you behaving like this: think again.
Don’t try to force your Beauty to get involved in your geek-ness, be glad that she hasn’t told you to put away your toys and grow up. My Geek didn’t push and look where I am today, follow my progress on my hobby blog.
Feel free to shoot me some of your Beauty’s specific objections and I can try to give some advice how to at least get some hobby space.
