Pimpcron: I’m Mad About Looncurse

5 Minute Read

May 18 2019

Pimpcron has a bone to pick.

Normally this is the part of my articles when I say hello to everyone but if I’m being honest, I’m just not in the mood. I’m so mad I can’t even think straight. I haven’t been this mad since I got kicked out of Outback Steak House. Let’s just get to it so I can get this off my chest.

Games Workshop Made a Promise

I want to get something straight. When a corporation says that they will sell me something, they better deliver. They have a moral obligation to put out product for all of us eager consumers. I don’t sell my very existence every week as a cog in the machine of commerce so that I can be lied to and betrayed by a company I love. Our life is the only truly finite resource we have, so selling it for money means that every dollar you hold is literally a piece of your very existence. Now, I know not everybody will agree with me on this, but it’s not about profits. This is a humanitarian issue. Anyone who lives in a developed country knows that being able to buy stuff from big companies is a basic human right that shall not be infringed. This is the basis for our entire civilization, the foundation of humanity.

Ooooooooh. So this is what Warcry was. Just a bunch of grown people crying.

Games Workshop said that they were going to sell us a box of miniatures called Looncurse and then they went back on their word. That is the sign of a truly evil corporation. I’m sure some of you will point out that truly evil corporations pollute our world, bypass labor laws, or evade taxes but there is a difference. When a nameless corporation dumps toxic waste into my drinking water, that’s bad. But at least they never promised me that they wouldn’t make my water unclean. You see, that is what makes me angriest. Our beloved GW has betrayed the trust of its people, which proves that they don’t love us.

I’m Hurt

Games Workshop got my hopes up. They excited my wallet, and more importantly they made me feel alive again. Unfortunately for them, they will have to learn the error of their ways just my parents did when they didn’t give me what I wanted. You see, the Pimpcron gets what the Pimpcron wants. Now, I’m not stupid. I know that kicking and screaming until I get my way won’t work like it always did with my parents. I live too far away from Nottingham to make a scene in their lobby.

And I quote, “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”

I am a grown adult, and what do grown, mature adults do when they are mistreated? We reach for the only weapon we have to fight The Man. We head to the Twitters, and the Facebooks. I have spent the last few days flooding my Twitter feed and Facebook groups with all-caps statements of my discontent. I know that if I am loud enough, Games Workshop will bend to my will. Isn’t that the reason why we get so many knee—jerk reactionary Errata? They have proven more than ever that if we cry loud enough and maybe soil ourselves for good measure, they will pacify us.

This Is All I Have

Some of you may think this is funny, but this game is all I’ve got. Sure, I am married and have children and a family, but I’ve long since taken them for granted and this game is the most important thing in my life. Some would say that these important people in my life are priceless, and I agree, they are okay and all. But you know what would have made my life complete? If I had a particular box of assorted miniatures from a company I misplaced my trust in. This Looncurse box was my everything, I was looking forward to it and it was the pinnacle of all that I have ever wanted from GW. It was the end-all, be-all of the product line for them, their crowning achievement. I’m not even sure if they plan on putting out any new miniatures after this. I mean, judging by everyone’s reaction to the limited release of Looncurse online I just assume that this was the last set ever.

Science Fact: Replica of a person’s brain who gets upset over model releases.

So please join me in crying loudly in despair because a very important and historic box of miniatures was taken from us. We grown people now have a void in our lives that only a very specific box of mostly-not-special miniatures could fill. For those of you who are deeply depressed by this series of events, I have set up a hotline you can call for support. Please call it and tell me how you have been affected by the ruthless rug pulling from GW.

Pimpcron Podcast Hotline: (419) 972-1811

Please feel free to share in the comments as well. This is a safe place to speak with no judgement.