Pimpcron: Warhammer Google Search Mystery
Pimpcron has stumbled on a head scratcher of a mystery. Help him figure it out!
In this delicious edition of everyone’s favorite cyborg Warhammer column, I have some strange things revealed to me recently.
The Mystery Discovered
So my household only has one computer and we all use it for our internet use. I had finally managed to snag some time on it in between it’s usage for Roblox and Minecraft by my kids. I had a cup of coffee in my hand and was wondering how other people base their models. I get sick of the old glue and sand shtick all the time. So I move my meaty digits over the keyboard and begin to type “Why Is Warhammer In Love With Sand?” because I’m terrible at internet searching. But midway through I stopped because the predictive search suggestions filled in something peculiar. It offered “Why Is Warhammer So Addictive?”.
I was shocked. It was the very first suggestion on my computer screen. I sat and pondered the meaning of this search term for quite some time. I know that this hobby is fun, and I enjoy it immensely, but do that many people find it addicting? It seems like maybe I stumbled on an epidemic among the nerd population. I wonder who many are affected by this addiction? Surely not me, I could quit anytime. Very odd indeed. So I decided to check out the other predictive search suggestions using other sentences.
I Dug Deeper
When I typed in “Warhammer is …” is popped up with “ruining my marriage”. Hmmm. I have been in this hobby for a long time and never noticed many people getting divorced over it. Maybe extreme cases somewhere of someone who gets carried away. But personally it has never seemed to be a problem. I was really struck by this search phrase because the divorce rate keeps climbing and Warhammer sales are too! Have I stumbled onto some sort of freakanomics trend? Is Warhammer contributing to the divorce rate???
Then I saw right under it that the second suggestion is “Warhammer is driving me crazy”. What sort of madness must be gripping the good-natured gamers of our community? Is the allure of hobbying and playing so strong that people are losing their grip on reality? I heard all of that very true and factual information about D&D being Satanic back in the 80’s. Maybe Warhammer is too?
The Tunnel Goes Deeper
I decided to keep investigating because I’m a journalist at heart. Not in training, ethics, or education, but at heart. My jaw dropped when I tried the next sentence. “Warhammer can be grounds for divorce?” popped up and confirmed all of my fears. This is all proof of either an intentional move by the evil forces of Warhammer to break up the family unit. I was shook, I was. Being that divorce keeps coming up I figured I should try a sentence with “My Husband …”
With that, a string of suggestions popped up that was staggering.
“plays Warhammer too much”
“has a stupid Warhammer podcast”
“just won’t stop blogging about Warhammer.”
“even started a dumb Warhammer convention.”
“makes me call him by his idiotic Warhammer blogger name.”
I sat in shock, eyes wide and breathing rapid. How could these be such popular good searches? This all seems too specific. I mean, there are plenty of Warhammer bloggers, and even plenty of podcasts. But could there be so many that this makes it to the top of the list of search terms? It all seems so odd. I felt bad for all of these Warhammer-related divorces but at least I knew my marriage was fine. My wife has always been very understanding as my hobby has slowly consumed all of my free time and several counters of our house. I thought back to how she was fine with it when I skipped out on our anniversary dinner to play with my friend James. And the way she has stopped protesting when I miss our kids baptisms, birthdays, and football games to play Warhammer.
It just sucks that everyone doesn’t have as awesome of a wife as I do.
Then It Took a Weird Turn
Finally, I got to the end of the list of suggested searches and found something truly weird. “My Husband is called Pimpcron.”
What could this possibly mean? I know that some people have made figures based off my character. I know that some shady websites steal my articles and post them as their own. But how many people actually call themselves Pimpcron? I truly don’t know the answer to this question. But try it yourself on Google and I’m sure you’ll get the same results.
Try It. Did It Say That For You Too?
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