Pimpcron: 40K Products We Need
Pimpcron has a few ideas for GW licensing.
Hi everyone! It’s your father, Pimpcron. While I probably am not your actual biological father, I feel like a father figure to you all. Ya know, because of my sage wisdom and bad puns. Also, I love me some white New Balance shoes and cargo shorts while I warn you not to touch my thermostat.
Games Workshop has recently been enjoying quite a bit of licensing income from Monopoly, Funkos, shoes, and spandex. That doesn’t even scratch the surface of all the products now available from GW’s licensing department. Here’s a couple more that we need.
Spess Merin’s Guns!
Why has Nerf and GW not had a sit-down? Nerf sells plastic guns that are often not realistic or functional in any way if they were real firearms, and GW happens to know a thing or two about plastic too. Both companies have a soft spot for aesthetics over functionality so why not merge the two like-minded companies’ products. Fans are already modding blasters, why not make it easier?
Drones? Drones!
When you think of dangerous objects flying past your head, what do you think of? Exactly! Servoskulls! We need servoskull drones that you can fly around, and even better if they are self-stabilizing with functional arms for grabbing things. Or if we happen to be walking through the Literal Department, why not make some Tau drones that act as real drones? That would be pretty cool too. I feel like with modern technology it would be easier to make the Tau Drone look more true-to-form rather than the servoskull.
Well, that’s a start …
Body Pillows
What better way to show where your loyalties lie while creeping out your family and friends? Pick your favorite Primarch body pillow and drag it around town. Share a bed with it, take it on the bus and give it a seat, or take it with you to meet your date. It would serve as a great conversation starter. Before you know it, they will be asking all kinds of questions about the Codex Astartes, the Horus Heresy, and this might be your lucky night! I just hope that your bed is big enough to hold the pillow plus two people.
Oh God, it’s already begun …
Completely Unrelated Toys
I want soccer balls printed with an Ork’s face. We need car floor mats with 40k stuff printed on them. I’d like a set of Loyalist and Heretic Salt and Pepper shakers. How about Necron flavored toothpaste? Maybe you’d like some Frosted Sugar Taus cereal for breakfast, then wash it down with a glass of fresh-squeezed Tropicana Squig Juice (kiwi juice with a jug-shaped like a squig). I’m sure you’d love the Warhammer poker card deck, the Mechanicus contact lens solution, and the Craftworld deodorant. The possibilities are literally endless. Well, the possibilities are directly correlated to the GDP of Warhammer players across the world.
Moonclan Mania!
Remember Chia Pets? You need to buy a goblin-shaped chia pet head but instead of grass, it grows mushrooms! That would actually look pretty darn cool. You could even paint the terracotta goblin head!
So apparently a Chia Sophia (from Golden Girls) is a thing …
Drinkware Every … Where
How about a Blood Angels Blood Chalice? I mean, it’s really just a skull goblet and I’m sure Walmart is just chock full of them at Halloween. What about one of those glasses that sad boi Tau players collect their whiny tears in?
I Guess My Point Is …
Look, I could go on forever but the point is that we fans of GW have already proven that if you make it, they will buy it. I mean right at this moment I am wearing my Air Jordans, Spider-man pajamas, Star Wars boxers, Pimpcron Warhammer Podcast T-shirt, and typing this on my limited edition Eddie Bauer laptop with chrome trim. We just love consumerism and that is our God-given right to be another cog in the machine so that we can consume. And just you wait, as Warhammer starts getting more mainstream you will be drowning in a sea of merch. Not necessarily a bad thing, but a thing nonetheless.
What Other Ideas Can You Think of?
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