Pimpcron’s Ghazghkull Model Review
Pimpcron has some opinions you NEED to hear.
Hey everybody, I wish we were meeting on better terms. It’s been a rough couple of days for me, as my whole world has been turned upside down. As most of you know, the new Ghazghkull model was just released by Games Workshop and it has been very divisive. Many people like the new model, saying that this newer, bigger version is really cool looking. At the same time there are many more people complaining about it on social media. Where do I stand on it? Oh, I’ll tell ya.
I’m Distraught
For years I have been dreaming of a new Ghazghkull model. A hulking, armor-covered model with a massive Power Klaw and wielding huge guns. Maybe in a running pose with smoke stacks sticking out the back of his armor. In my perfect vision of what the mighty Warboss should be like, I envisioned him as big as a Dreadnaught! They say that warbosses get bigger and bigger over time and so I imagined him just looming over other Orks. Man, if you could see the way I pictured him in my mind.
I can’t seem to find the words to describe how upset, no, how disappointed I am with this new model. It is so stupid looking, that I “can’t even” right now. I was at work when I first saw the pictures of the new model and I was nearly in tears. I took the rest of the day off and locked myself in my basement. This is one of those moments that are so terrible, that everyone will remember where they were when they first saw this model.
March 9th, 2020 Never Forget
Completely Disproportionate
For starters, his head is way too small for his body. His body is massive but his head is only kind of massive? Ugh. And what about his armor? His armor is too busy and clunky looking, even for Orks. If I were to design this model, I would put him in big, thick, chunky armor full of hoses and cables to support all of the mechanical killing power this beast possesses. Instead, we get this dumb looking model all covered in too many wires and cables. Please tell me GW, because you’re so smart, what do all those cables do? Do they somehow support the mechanical systems on this Warboss? That’s stupid and you know it.
His pose is dumb too. If you look at it critically and step out from behind your faboyism, you’ll see that there is no way that somebody would stand like that. His Klaw arm is not going in the right direction and the gun arm isn’t even pointing forward. Who shoots towards their right? That doesn’t even make sense. And how is he expected to aim with four barrels? The whole thing is poorly conceived like how my parents claim I was.
What’s The Real Goal Here?
I feel like Games Workshop is trying to “Squat” the Ork line in 40k. You know, give them the ole’ Tomb Kings treatment. This is a much more clever way of killing off a product line. Instead of discontinuing a playable army, just make the leader look so derpy that nobody will want to play with that model. This way, GW doesn’t get any hate for killing off an army, they just let it atrophy. I have already put my Ork force up for sale on ebay because I have lost all interest. If you go on ebay right now, the market it flooded with ork armies as people try to get rid of this stupid army as soon as possible.
As bad as this new model is, I guess it’s still slightly better than this Ghazghkull model.
Here’s How You Would Do It Right
You’ll notice in my hand drawn sketch I made, I have made several changes to improve the model. I made his head slightly bigger to match his frame so that he has less derp. I lengthened his Klaw arm by about 1mm which really helps balance the miniature, and I feel that it gives him a lot more energy and motion. Then I made the hoses more bendy and hose-like, which is a huge improvement. I also slightly repositioned the exhaust pipes over his head to give him a more menacing appearance.
Perfection.
As you can see, my overhaul of this pathetic model has breathed new life into it. Now THIS looks like the Ghazghkull we all know and love. I am formally giving you permission to use my hand drawing as a basis for the arduous kitbash you’ll have to do to salvage this terrible model. I hate to see the game go downhill like this, so this is the least I can do to try and right the sinking ship.
What Are Your Thoughts on The New Model?
Hey! This article is brought to you by my top-tier Patreon supporter Mike Cowley!
Thanks Michael, smooches!
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