‘Rap Rat’ Wasn’t Meant to Be Halloween Nightmare Fuel, Yet Here We Are
Rap Rat belongs to a very select group of board games (alongside Ouija Boards) to have been the subject of horror stories. Yes, really.
Recently, we discussed Atmosfear. It’s a VHS board game, which was a “thing” in the late 80s and early 90s. The basic idea was that you’d have the video running while you play the game and the video would act as a “game master” of sorts, adding random events and some pretense of interactibility.
Looking back, Atmosfear is pretty cringe, but the cringe is tolerable.
There Are Some Things Which Are Worse
Far worse.
Some things are better left unseen.
For these horrors, once seen, will drive any sound mind to the brink of oblivion. A mind driven to the point from whence there is no return and the only certainty is a doomed insanity.
This horror has a name, but I dare not speak it nor will I write it down. For surely this thing would know I have spoken its name aloud. There are powers in this world we can not understand and this creature, this beast, has a strength we can not fathom.
But, no! I must tell you what I have seen. Even though this act would surely drive me mad, I could not live with myself knowing I had witnessed this great evil and done nothing to warn the rest of humanity. If this be my last entry, let my sacrifice not be in vain.
I must tell the world of Rap Rat.
Congratulations if you’ve made it this far. Not many do.
This absolutely cursed monstrosity with scissors stabbed into its head is Rap Rat.
Released in 1992, this a competitive roll-to-move crime against humanity with set collecting meaninglessness. The object of each player is to survive the psychic onslaught for long enough for the game to end with all players losing equally. There are no winners in Rap Rat: The Video Board Game. And only husks left behind.
Each player spends their miserable time at the turbulent whims of the game. Spending what few precious moments they have left in this world, rolling the die, and hoping to land on their own color. If they do, they gain a puzzle piece of their color.
The first victim to complete this Sisyphean puzzle is deemed the winner. If that were ever to occur. But no, Rap Rat is an unjust god.
Every few minutes, on a whim, Rap Rat will take away puzzle pieces from the players. If only to sate his gluttonous cravings for human anguish. But even that isn’t enough. As time goes on, Rap Rat will consume the very realm in which he resides.
Additionally, Rap Rat will demand the players dance for his entertainment. Occasionally, calling for specific players to jump up and down and shout “Cheese!” and other humiliating ordeals. These tasks serve no purpose other than for Rap Rat to show the sway he holds over us mere mortals.
If Rap Rat is able to go all Galactus on his cheesy confines before any player is able to complete their puzzle, all players lose but their torment is not over. Rap Rat demands the players rewind the tape and play again until they are able to beat his wretched game.
Can There Be Any Salvation?
Rap Rat is a conniving beast. The video has 3 games, the first game being the “easiest” at just about 12 minutes. To collect all ten puzzle pieces, these hopeless souls must land on their color ten times. On the board, there are 6 spaces of each color, spaced equally apart. So, at best, if they rolled a 6 ten times in a row, they’d win as fast as possible.
Granted, the odds of rolling ten 6s in a row are 1/60,466,176. But remember, there’s still the 12-minute time limit. So, to have any chance at success, each round can’t take more than about 1 minute and 12 seconds. In a 4 player game, that’s no more than 18 seconds per player! Forget any fun or banter. There’s no time for that. There is only this Lovecraftian nightmare of insurmountable odds.
On top of that, Rap Rat occasionally steals puzzle pieces! Furthermore, there are random jumping tasks to slow the players down even more. This game truly is a descent into a hellish labyrinth of despair from some demonic entity.
Those Who Survive Tell the Tale
The fear of Rap Rat has not gone unnoticed around the Internet. Like with any good horror game that will test the very fabric of your sanity, Rap Rat has some horror stories written about it, as well as some good ol’ fan art.
Truly, Rap Rat should stand alongside Slenderman and Momo as the monsters of the modern age.
Now go forth and warn the others.
