Pimpcron: Hobby Superstitions- Debunked!

4 Minute Read

Apr 4 2020

Pimpcron has all the answers, and that’s not an old wives’ tale.

Hey everybody! It’s your old pal Pimpcron, and this week I am here to break us free from the shackles of blind tradition and superstition. I am armed to the teeth with science and facts, with just a bit of wild speculation sprinkled in. But I assure you that it is mostly fact and science. I have asked readers to email me with their hobby superstitions, which I researched and now have the results.

Closet of Shame

Superstition: Pimpcron, I have always been told that I should not paint all of models before buying new ones. I should buy more than I can realistically paint so that I can keep a pile of shame in my closet. This gives the evil creature in my closet something to do other than peeling my skin off in my sleep. Is this true?

Answer: This one is commonly known and spread about. After quite a bit of research on the topic, it turns out that there is really no reason for us to buy any more miniatures before finishing the ones we have. The only reason why we do this is poor impulse control. If I’m being honest, the whole idea of a monster in your closet being distracted by unassembled miniatures is pretty silly. It’s not remotely interested in the minis in your closet, it hasn’t gotten you yet because it’s waiting for you to hang your foot over the bed in your sleep. Karinoch, the Great Black Terror cares not for your minis, you flesh will be the meal he eats before birthing the Anti-Christ with. You can paint your miniatures before buying more without fear.

Clippings In Carpet

Superstition: Hi there Mr. P, I know this sounds stupid, but when I am clipping out models from the sprue I often drop a small piece onto the floor. Then I can’t find it! I have looked for hours with a flashlight with no results. There has to be a scientific reason for this. A portal in time? Haha

Answer: First off, the time portal is a dumb idea, this is an article based only on SCIENCE so please keep your Theoretical Quantum Physics out of this. Secondly, this issue has been covered by numerous scientific journals over the years which can be proven with a quick Google search. But I’ll explain it here.

In 1930 there was a scientist and miniature wargame enthusiast named Dr. Schrod Inger at the University of Montana. He had this very problem about losing bits in carpet like we all have. The doctor did experiments and spent years of his life trying to figure it out. He eventually developed the theorem called Dr. Schrod Inger’s Bit. This theory states that even if your eyes follow the bit in its trajectory to the floor, it is both gone and not gone when it hits the floor. Just like subatomic particles, the state of the bit on the carpet is impacted by observation. While the hobbyist believes the bit is on the floor, it is no longer on the floor. But once the hobbyist gives up and no longer believes the bit exists, the bit will exist again and will later be found by the vacuum.

Warning of Divorce

Superstition: My question is this: My wife claims she will divorce me if I buy one more miniature. She can’t be serious, can she?

Answer: No, she can’t be serious. The value of miniature wargames is universally appreciated, like the National Flag, fidget spinners, and McDonalds restaurants. Your wife seems to have a pretty wicked sense of humor and nobody would more upset than her if you got rid of all your miniatures. As a rule, significant others enjoy the freedom that our hobby gives them. Instead of weighing them down with your presence, affection, and attention, your S.O. is free to do as they please and you can’t put a price on that. You have my full support in calling her bluff, and I even suggest you buying more and telling her the real price you paid. This will not only expose her but will also make it clear to her that you know how much this hobby secretly means to her. There is no down side to this plan.

Well, that concludes this session of Superstition debunking! Tell your friends the new truth, and walk tall knowing that you are armed with the facts and not fear.

What Hobby Superstition Have You Heard?

Hey! This article is brought to you by my top-tier Patreon supporter Mike Cowley!

Thanks Michael, smooches!

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