Pimpcron: 7 Ways GW Can Boost Sales
Pimpcron has answers so grab a pen and paper.
Hey everybody! Now, I know you’re all excited about GW opening their webstores back up, and I am too! But like all other companies, Games Workshop has lost income due to the nonsense going around thanks to Nurgle. Here’s the top seven ways they can boost sales in ways that other industries have used.
Add a Prize!
Remember how excited you were as a kid when cereal actually had prizes? You’d tear open that box and dig your nasty little mittens into that box as soon as you got home. Nowadays, cereal has crappy prizes if they have any at all. One way GW could get more us excited about buying their product would be to include a small prize for free in every box! They could throw in Warhammer stickers, Warhammer temporary tattoos, or Warhammer slap bracelets! I’d buy way more if they had had cool slap bracelets!
Offer Loans?
Look, this hobby is expensive. The biggest barrier to entry for new players is the cost. That’s why Gee Dubs needs to open a loan department! You pick out the boxes of ‘Hammer that you want, go over to a Loan Officer (or be pre-approved online) and work out a very generous contract where you pay monthly for your minis! This is a win-win. They get more players in the hobby, they earn interest on the loan, and you get your miniatures right NOW! Nobody would dare default on a loan, so I don’t see any down side to this!
Celebrity Endorsement
As I’ve stated many, many times to all that will listen (and even to those that won’t), celebrities move product. If I turned on my TV and saw a hot new rising star like Adam Sandler plugging Warhammer, I’d go buy exactly what they told me to! Think of how cool it would be to see everyone’s celebrity crush, Madonna, telling you to buy Sisters of Battle?! What about trustworthy celebrities who we all follow unerringly? Hire someone like Paris Hilton or Carson Daly, and BOOM! You’ve got product sold.
BOGO Deals
We all fall for this trick that stores play. They’re really giving you 50% off but they want to sell more items. So they slap a Buy-One-Get-One on your items! So I suggest that Games Workshop do something similar in doing their own BOGO. To match their normal 20% off or so on models in Start Collecting boxes, I suggest they start doing their own BFGO! All you have to do is buy four boxes of the same model kit, and get one free! The sales will just come pouring in!
Toilet Paper Logic
Distraction, Diversion, Confusion. Those are the principles of this strategy. I say we throw all logic out the window. Gee Dub should make several different packages for each model kit. Make them at different prices, and include different numbers of models in each box! You’ll have the customer so confused that they’re bound to forget to carry the two while calculating and buy the more expensive box!
- Box of 9 Tactical Marines: $48.32!
- Paper Bag of 3 Tactical Marines: $19.75!
- Bottle of 4 Tactical Marines: $31.50!
- Baggie of 8 Tactical Marines: $43.12!
- Envelope of 6 Tactical Marines: $39.88!
I feel like this would really boost sales because nobody would know what the best deal was (I blame public schools) and they would rake in profit!
Branding is Everything
Ok, in some circles the whole Primaris thing angers them. So I submit that they rebrand! I think they should do some clever word-fu and try to trick their customers. They need to rename the old Marines to be Marines Classic. People love the word “classic” because it reminds them of Christmas by the fire in the 1800’s. Then to make sure that the customer doesn’t know which way is up, you rename the Primaris Marines to be Marines Original. The modern buyer loves the word “original” because it reminds them of an awkward design they once drew on their jeans in Middle School. That “S” made of 6 lines was the bomb and was soooooo original.
Make Everything 99 Cents!
Turn our favorite miniatures stores into Dollar Stores! That’s right! To make the barrier to entry super simple, sell each bit individually for $0.99! Now before you scoff, this would be awesome for everybody! Kitbashers would rejoice! GW would make way more money, and everybody wins! So what if a Tactical Marine set of 100 pieces becomes $100 in total.
Ever lost a bit in the carpet? Be honest, you have and it made you cry. Well with this sleek new marketing strategy, you could just go over to that bin of left hands for Sanguinary Guard Sergeants and voila! You have exactly what you needed and paid less than a dollar!
Which one of these do you think would work best?
Hey! This article is brought to you by my top-tier Patreon supporter Mike Cowley!
Thanks Michael, smooches!
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