Pimpcron: The 3 Most Ridiculous Players I’ve Met
It’s like a rogues gallery of geeks.
Nerds. Am I right? I mean, they are really something, aren’t they? You know how it is. You meet a nerd in real life and they’re being all nerdy and you’re like okay with it at first but then it’s like, “Whoa, too nerdy for my tastes.” The nerd is just standing there with his shirt and his face going all like, “Gawwww.” with the teeth showing and his feet are just off, ya know? They usually have something in their hand unless they put it in their pocket or luggage. You know what I mean. One of those dumb things they’re always holding like, like, nerd stuff that you put in your hands and grasp.
Okay I’ll be honest. I don’t know what nerd means. I’m going to look it up real quick.
So, nerd is just a word for a normal person? I don’t get it. Here’s the definition of nerd:
A nerd is a person seen as overly intellectual, obsessive, introverted or lacking social skills.
Everyone I associate with can be described by that sentence. Who doesn’t fall into that category? Anyway, of all the nerds that I’ve met in this hobby, here’s the weirdest.
Iron Mouse Legions
I once played against a guy who had an entire Skaven Imperial Guard army which was kind of neat. It mostly consisted of head swaps and (maybe) tails additions to Guard models. He was a pretty unassuming guy as far as appearance, but he had very little emotion. I would try to make a joke or some sort of humanoid conversation and this guy would just stare at me. It was like he had never been joked with before and this was an interface with which he was unaccustomed. I’d say something friendly and he’d just stare blankly at me.
“Haha, purge the Xenos, Steve. Haha Oh boy!”
How it looked in his head.
This of course was in stark contrast to the cheery leaders of his army: Commissars Mickey and Minnie. I’m not lying, in place of Yarrick and another character, he had ill-proportioned miniature proxies of Minnie and Mickey. These models were practically double the height they should have been to be correct proxies, and to be honest it really took me out of the game. When I had my Necrons being assaulted by a giant brightly colored Minnie Mouse, it was a little hard to take it seriously. The only time this guy would show any emotion is when he was talking about his Mickey and Minnie figures. He’d actually smile and look down at them like they brought him happiness.
Hey, to each his own, I’m glad he found something to enjoy.
The Specter
I was at MAGfest one year, which is a gigantic yearly Music and Gaming convention and all around party event. We’re talking 30,000 people from all walks of life who are interested in tons of different stuff. My friend James and I had brought our Warhammer armies to play in the tabletop area. We ended up not finding any other Warhammer players available, so we just played each other.
That was when a fog rolled into the room and before we knew it, Justin appeared out of thin air. Justin was a mousey little guy, both short and very thin. He had a very clean haircut and glasses, looking like he just walked out of his shift at the wristwatch factory. Justin was painfully awkward but a nice person. His one avenue of socialization with us was Warhammer. He went on and on about the lore, the rules, the models and everything else he could think of. He watched our game, gave commentary, and we kind of made a friend. After talking for no less than an hour, I asked him what army he plays, that’s when he replied.
“Oh, I don’t play.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that. It isn’t uncommon for casual fans to be really into lore, or painting, or some other specific aspect of the game. But he definitely knew how to play. He knew the game and units inside and out. But he didn’t play? Nope. He said he didn’t even own an army.
He proceeded to follow us around for a whole day, and nearly ripped the controller out of my hand to show me how to beat Castlevania II. Harmless, but strange nonetheless.
The Guy Who Knew Everything And Nothing
I once knew a guy who was super into the hobby. Let’s call him Tom. I mean, he told me that he owned every army. Can you believe?! Every army in the game? But not anymore. He sold them all off and only owned Chaos Marines now, which he played in front of me once so I know they existed. Tom also had a Sisters of Battle and Tyranid army that was never seen. He knew all of the rules, except when you proved him wrong. Tom was always down for a game, any time, any place. But not the time you asked for because of vague injuries that flair up specifically when people ask to play Warhammer. But he’ll definitely take a rain check on that bud.
How he saw himself.
To hear Tom tell it, he was the apex predator of Warhammer, he had been in it since Rogue Trader and had been in a ton of large tournaments. He always placed somewhere up towards the top as to raise an eyebrow but impress nonetheless. Man, you should have heard the tales of when Tom owned a whole army of giant Forgeworld Titans, which were sold of course. It took people a while to figure it out, but I think Tom was just a liar. His lies weren’t spectacular, but he’d wear you down by volume of fire. He was weird on the outside, but just sad in the middle.
Who is the craziest player you’ve played against?
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