Let’s Play D&D with Shoresy
Pitter patter boys. This week we’re working on our chirps and checks and playing Dungeons & Dragons with Shoresy.
Sometimes you get an idea that’s so good-slash-bad that you backburner whatever it is you had been planning and get to work. Sometimes you’re watching Shoresy over dinner and think, “Haha, this would be a funny D&D sheet,” and then realize that yes, this would actually be a very fun D&D sheet. And besides, it’s my birthday. And that is the story of why today we’re playing D&D with
Shoresy
Shoresy is a pretty simple dude. There are only a few key aspects to his character that need to be brought to the table. But those things need to be recognizable. He’s a jerk, he’s good at hitting people and things, especially with a hockey stick, and he’s good at talking trash. Or, as it’s called in hockey, chirping. Really the hardest part of this character would be finding a group willing to play with you for more than a handful of sessions. So this probably isn’t the sheet for your bi-weekly family game. Sorry.
For a majority of the fighting and hockey, we’re going with Barbarian. I was playing with the idea of Fighter, instead. But the total control loss and general mayhem of full contact sports with built in fighting rules felt more Barbarian to me. For his Primal Path we went with Path of the Ancestral Guardian. Which, admittedly doesn’t sound like it should work on its’ face. But Ancestral Protectors gives targets disadvantage on attacks made against not-you. It’s designed to goat somebody into attacking you in order to distract and draw action in a strategic direction. Or annoy. Either way, it feels like chirping to me.
But Shoresy is snarkier and meaner than that. He needs more mechanics on his sheet allowing him to weaponize taunts. He needed Vicious Mockery, and for that I needed to make him a Bard. Luckily this also works quite well because as an athlete he’s also a little bit of a showman.
A single level in Bard gives us access to a couple of spells aside from the one cantrip I wanted, so I tried to pick spells that felt as much like hockey as possible. Longstrider gives us the feel of zipping from one end of the rink to the other. True Strike could work just as well for making goals as landing hits. And Bane, Dissonant Whispers, and Tasha’s Hideous Laughter are all equally horrible spells for taunting, gloating, and general mean-spiritedness.
Coming back around to the basics, we frontloaded this character with Strength and Dexterity because he’s an athlete. But we also needed high charisma or we wouldn’t be able to dabble in Bard. I don’t love the trop of the stupid barbarian, but Intelligence and Wisdom were the best options for dump stats, even if I don’t think Shoresy is a particularly unintelligent character. It does though, make for a hilarious skills list where everything he likely wouldn’t care about (history, animal handling, etc.) have a -1 modifier. It’s fitting.
From here it’s up to you as the player to come up with some sufficiently terrible mom jokes, and time your rages.
Pitter patter, Adventurers!
