D&D: Five Magic… Bathtubs? 2nd Edition Was Weird
Dungeons & Dragons and hygiene should go together as often as possible. And with these five magical tubs, even your characters can be clean.
Gamers and their relation (or lack thereof) to hygiene have been a running gag in RPGs since the early days. Before then, actually. We don’t need to get into who came first, unwashed weebs or gamers, but the fact is the stereotype has stuck around for a reason.
And at one point, even the rules of D&D made a winking acknowledgment of this, by including magical baths in their catalog of magic items.
That way at least the characters could be clean. And of course, D&D is at its heart an adventure/comedy that wears its references on its sleeve.
Tub, Bath
This magical tub, made of fine wood trimmed with brass, will fill itself with warm water upon command and will drain water away when you’re done. It can be used three times per day, and thanks to 2nd Edition’s magical item rules, we know that a good hot bath on command is worth about 5,000 gp, or about 1,000 xp.
Tub of Lard
This magical tub — which by virtue of it being a tub, is 3 feet in diameter, with sides 18 inches high — will knock you down, even if you get back up again. It will try repeatedly to keep you down. And that’s not because it’s made by Chumbawumba, but because it can be commanded to create 1 cubic foot of “greasy lard” which can be smeared on 100 square feet of any surface, causing creatures that move across it to make a saving throw or fall prone.
If you fall prone, you cannot stand back up again through physical effort, you have to crawl away from the larded area, which is a phrase I hope never to type again.
Tub of Sailing
You might not be a butcher, a baker, or a candlestick maker, but if you possess a tub of sailing, which has the same dimensions as a Tub of Lard, but is, in all other respects a seaworthy vessel, you can go wherever you want.
That’s right! A tub of sailing will magically traverse any ocean, unaffected by wind. It moves of its own mysterious power. Sure you could get a folding boat, but that’s nowhere near as stylish.
Taryn’s Tub
This magical tub initially appears as an ordinary wooden bucket, until you speak the command word and cause it to expand into a big, six-person wooden hot tub, ready to go with hot water and, 25% of the time, a magical wooden shelf with chilled goblets of white wine appears too, so you can relax and kick back a Chardonnay with your party at any time.
Tub of Washing
The last magical tub we look at today is all about keeping clean. Whether you’re cleaning clothes, dishes, or yourself. Upon command, this tub will fill up with soapy water, and better still, will magically clean anything placed in the water and, if removed immediately thereafter, will magically dry it as well.
Happy Adventuring!
