D&D: Five Spells for the Perfect Vacation
As summer draws closer, it’s time to make vacation plans. With these five spells, you can ensure your D&D vacation is picture perfect.
Summer is almost here. The heat is rising and the waves at the beach are looking gnarly. Or tubular. I forget which one is the good one. But with summer a-brewing the promise of a perfect vacation looms over us.
But vacations are hard! Chevethon Chase spent six movies as the paterfamilias of the Griswolds proving exactly this.
Don’t worry though. Much like everything, if the real-life counterpart is hard, it’s so much easier in D&D. And these five spells will help you land the perfect (in-character) vacation.
Prestidigitation
Perfect food, perfect comfiness, perfect cleanliness, all just a wave of the hand away. With this spell, you can make sure that every bite of food you have tastes exactly the way you want it to. Sure, you might miss out on sampling the actual local flavors of wherever you’re going, but when you can make your food taste like cheeseburgers you might not be afraid to try new things.
Too hot? Prestidigitation can cool you down. Too cold? Prestidigitation’s got your back, baybee. All you have to do is give it a cast and you’re nice and toasty. With a variety of abilities, it’s handy wherever you go.
Teleport
What is the worst thing about a vacation? Traveling. You have to pack your bags. Wait in long lines. Remember to turn the oven off and get to the airport in time for security. And even if you manage all of that, there’s still a 50/50 chance you left Kevin home alone. Again.
And in D&D it’s even worse because if you get on a boat you’re gonna get attacked by a sea monster. There are just so many of them and they never get to do anything. So it’s a guarantee that if you’re at sea, your boat is gonna get monstered.
But what if you could handwave those worries away? With teleportation, you can do exactly that. Although there’s no actual hand waving, just speaking a few vocal components. With just an utterance, you can be miles away, sunning and funning with your guns and/or buns out, depending on what kind of vacation experience you are looking to have.
Mordenkainen’s Magnificent Mansion
Perfect accommodations are a myth. Sure, you spent some time looking up reviews. Its Airbnb had five stars. But then you get there and you find out, oh wait this place is full of crabs. Or mists. Or undead soldiers who rise with the moon to try and take your flesh. Maybe your soul too.
It’s a nightmare. But with Mordenkainen’s Magnificent Mansion, you have a magically perfect place waiting. It’s always available because it’s a pocket dimension you create. You get to decide what creature comforts are there. And it’s pet-friendly. Best of all, you don’t have to worry about reviews because the whole thing is magic.
Tongues
Have you ever been on a vacation and found yourself not knowing what to say? Does your handy guidebook full of phrases leave you feeling left out when trying to find where the good food and/or nearby temple with a bejeweled idol is? Trying to figure out how not to awaken the ancient demon that lurks beneath the megalithic ruins?
Tongues will help you in any situation. It enables communication with any who can hear you. You’ll still have to figure out what to say, of course.
Modify Memory
But you know what? All of that sounds like a lot of work.
You try and do all of that and you’ll be one of those people who says “whoof I need a vacation from my vacation” unironically. And you don’t want that. Nobody does!
What if I told you, you don’t actually have to go anywhere. With Modify Memory you can just implant yourself and all of your friends with the memory of a vacation as perfect as you can dream up. And truly, what is the difference between doing a thing and having the memory of doing it? You think that’s air you’re breathing? On Mars?
That’s right you just got ‘Total Recall’ed AND ‘The Matrix’ed, so happy adventuring!
