D&D: What Summer Vacation is Your Character?
Summer is here, and it’s time for vacation. But what would your D&D character do? We matched each class to an iconic summer vacation.
The second consecutive week of 100+ degree weather means Summer must be here. And what better way to beat the heat than to go on vacation. After all, in this day and age, Summer Vacation is as much a fantasy as crawling through dungeons to slay a dragon. Why not have your cake and eat it too? So buckle in, stop fighting with your siblings, and see who can spot license plates from all fifty states, because it’s time to match D&D characters to iconic summer vacations.
Artificer
Artificers love to tinker with things. In another day and age, they might have gone to computer camp and gotten shoved in the locker every day after school, but in today’s wet hot American summers, Artificers get to go to robot camp, build drones out of Legos, and make the rest of us jealous.
Barbarian
Barbarians are that amazing Waterpark that closed down about five years ago. A lot of fun, definitely unsafe, and nobody around is wearing a lot of clothes. Nothing like waiting in line for four hours to build up about 60 seconds’ worth of rage.
Bard
Bards are that one time your aunt took you to a Summer Stock Theatre production. An outdoor stage, children running around unsupervised, adults having a “wine picnic” while a bunch of overworked, underpaid actors sweat through their lines? Sounds like a bard to me.
Cleric
This one’s easy. Clerics are Vacation Bible School. There’s a fun new theme every time you seem to revisit them and try as you might, they all want to sit backward on a chair and “rap” with you.
Druid
Druids are the trip to the beach with your grandparents, where you drive out past where the hotels are, to the empty stretches of beach where there’s a bunch of seaweed coming up through the sand, and a seagull takes your sandwich.
Fighter
Fighters are every single summer camp from the ’80s and ’90s, whether run by children, escaped con artists, or Ernest.
Monk
Monks spend their whole lives honing their skills, so naturally, they’re sitting alone in the basement playing fighting games until someone comes to make them go outside.
Paladin
Paladins are the trip your parents took you on where you thought you were going to Disneyland but instead, you ended up going somewhere educational.
Ranger
Rangers are a Scouting Jamboree where nobody managed to get any badges, but neither did they have to call the paramedics, so it was a pretty good year, all things considered.
Rogue
Rogues are that one time you and your friends went to Vegas and agreed never to speak of it again.
Sorcerer
Sorcerers are a music festival–sound and fury and spectacle that lasts for days, and if you do it right, you probably saw a legendary creature from whence your magic descends.
Warlock
Warlocks are absolutely those weird Roadside attractions that start off as nothing more than a sign looming ominously out of the middle of nowhere promising to sate your curiosity. What do you find at the end of the road? Will it be a blessing? Will it be a curse? If there’s a better equivalent of an eldritch pact than $5 and driving 200 miles out of your way, we don’t know it.
Wizard
Wizards are that time you spent the Summer at the planetarium and got to run the projector during the “From the Earth to the Universe Show” because you kept insisting their data was inaccurate.
How does your character stack up? What vacation would they be?
