‘Doctor Who’ and “The Goblin Song”: A Serious Pop Song Review
Christmas music! People love it! Or hate it! Regardless, it’s inescapable in December. And this year, Doctor Who adds to the oeuvre.
Pop songwriters have certain things they repeatedly include in their lyrics: love, betrayal, having the music stop when someone sings the word “stop”—and, of course, Christmas. That may sound like a joke, but for every one inescapable Christmas anthem, there’s hundreds, if not thousands, more you’ve never heard of.
And the reason is simple: Christmas music is profitable. People don’t buy music often, but when the holiday rolls around, millions of people the world over have the same problem. There’s a family member, they don’t know them very well, but they have to buy them a gift. And that gift is often a modern pop star’s Christmas record. Here you go great aunt Lorraine! Enjoy?
Additionally, the Billboard Hot 100 throughout the month of December is full of Christmas ditties. Compositions range from as old as Irving Berlin’s “White Christmas” to as recent as Ariana Grande’s “Santa Tell Me”.
And for a long time, something as synonymous with Christmas as “Let it Snow” was Doctor Who. From 2005-2017, the British sci-fi series aired a special episode each Christmas day. And after a six year hiatus, Doctor Who Christmas is back with “The Church on Ruby Road”. In addition to a new holiday episode, we also have a new song from composer Murray Gold with lyrics by showrunner Russell T Davies! And since it’s the Christmas season, let’s review this latest Christmas offering!
It’s called “The Goblin Song”.
Hmm..
Goblin Songs in General
Songs about goblins! Seems like a niche genre! But, in fact there are a lot of songs about goblins from groups like Spellblast or Trollgasm. Frank Zappa has a song called “Goblin Girl”! In fact, there’s a slew of songs about goblins from a band called “Nekrogoblikon”.
Okay, so it’s a niche genre.
But so what? There may not be a ton of popular goblin songs. Nekrogoblikon may not have taken off YET! But that doesn’t mean the very instant you read the phrase “goblin song”, you didn’t have the same immediate response almost everyone does: you remind me of the babe.
David Bowie’s “Magic Dance” from the 1986 film Labyrinth is to goblins what “All I Want For Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey is to Christmas. And so the real question we’re asking is, “Will Murray Gold be the new Goblin King?”
Let’s find out!
The Goblin Song in Specific
“The Goblin Song” is sung by Janis the Goblin. And it is about eating babies. It seems to be about feeding the Goblin King one baby in particular. And as far as songs about goblins feeding a live, human infant to their royal patriarch go, “The Goblin Song” is the only one I know of. And that makes it the best one! Default! Default!
If you don’t feel good about the idea of goblins eating your kids, is “The Goblin Song” bombastic enough to change your mind? Yes! Christina Rotondo sings so passionately you’ll wonder if she consumed one, small nephew in preparation! And obviously a huge shout out to Russell T Davies for the lyric “big brown eyes, caramelized”. Speaking as a visual learner: thank you Russell. We’re all nauseous now.
Is “The Goblin Song” Christmassy? It does feature a feast! People feast for a number of holidays in December—human child just isn’t usually on the menu. But that’s about it. Baby devouring aside, “The Goblin Song” is pretty non-denominational as Christmas songs go. But play it for your grandparents this holiday anyway and see what happens!
Who is “The Goblin Song” for? Is it for people who want to be eaten by goblins or other fae folk? The lyric, “He can eat me, he makes me swoon” certainly says yes! It’s definitely for Doctor Who fans. It hints at the Goblin king being “not a myth” and dining on “coincidence”. This plays into a theory that the Doctor made myths and superstitions real during the episode “Wild Blue Yonder“—and Doctor Who fans love theorizing as much as these goblins love eating babies.
Speaking of which, who’s ready for the twist where we talk about goblins and antisemitism? Here we go!
Courtesy of Warner Bros. Games
Hogwarts Legacy of Antisemitism
To start: this is not a hit piece on Russell T Davies or Murray Gold. I don’t think “The Goblin Song” intentionally plays into antisemitic tropes so much as there’s a lot of antisemitism historically wrapped up in goblin folklore. However, it’s 2023 and we did begin this year with a controversy regarding the new game Hogwarts Legacy and goblins in the world of Harry Potter generally.
If you don’t know, Gringotts Wizarding Bank from the Harry Potter series is run by goblins with long, hooked noses. On the floor of the bank is a symbol which looks very much like the Star of David. And in Hogwarts Legacy the villain is a goblin named Ranrok who wants to kidnap the player (a child) and use their blood for a spell. Congrats! That’s antisemitic bingo! Have I mentioned Hogwarts Legacy is a best seller this year? Here you go, great aunt Lorraine! Enjoy?
Long story short: 2023 has not been the best year for goblin content! And, as it happens, “The Goblin Song” does include the lyric, “Baby blood and baby bones, baby butter for the baby scones”. Again: not an accusation of intent. But that is one bread leavening away from a blood libel.
Russell T Davies is doing great work! He’s committing to better rep for both queer and disabled people on Doctor Who and that’s great, too! Profits from purchases of “The Goblin Song” (which is fun and well-composed) on iTunes even go towards the charity Children in Need, and that’s the greatest thing of all.
Next time just… maybe a song with elves, leprechauns, or gnomes instead? What about a selkie! “The Selkie Song”? Eh? That’s alliteration, baby! Think it over! And happy holidays, everybody!
