D&D: Five Perfect Fantasy Foods That Would Be Delicious in Any Dungeon
Looking for food to fill out your next Hero’s Feast? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered with wonders from around the Realms.
One of the best parts of any fantasy story is the long, gratuitous descriptions of the food. If you can’t tell the author was hungry during the Chapter, it isn’t fantasy. From Middle-earth to Westeros to Aquilonia and beyond, fantasy worlds are full of fantastic foods. It’s the whole reason Delicious in Dungeon is a sensational hit.
Even the Forgotten Realms have food enough to make two different recipe books and a drinks book full of cocktails. And it’s all about imagining details and getting creative. Why bother with the same old brown stew and smoked meats that have been in D&D taverns since the seventies. Expand your culinary horizons with a bit of fantasy fare.
That’s right. It’s time to eat some monsters. Because that’s just what an adventurer should do. Get out there, best ’em and digest ’em.
And if you’re worried about somehow getting the historical accuracy of your D&D game wrong, just remember there’s no such thing as a historical accurate dragon, orc, elf, or fireball spell. Studded leather only exists in the game because Gary Gygax saw leather armor that was inside out, it was never real either. As a game D&D is less historically accurate than ye olde renaissance faire – and someone would have to be a pretty thin-skinned individual, you know, the kind of person who needs to put on their big boy panties and touch a little grass, to get heated over something as trivial as “the wrong kind of fantasy food” in D&D.
But that’s not you. You’re cool and smart and good-looking. So really, whatever is clever. You literally can’t go wrong.
Beholder Bites
Beholders are eyeball monsters that float around and shoot different beams from their eyestalks, which, naturally, makes them suited to a whole slider flight. Each slider can be a different flavor, representing one of the ten different flavors of eye rays: Charm, Paralyze, Fear, Slowing, Enervation, Telekinetic, Sleep, Petrification, Disintegration, and Death. Now, naturally you can decide what flavor each ray is, but consider, Blue Cheese for Enervation, and some kind of Ghost Pepper for Death.
Especially if each of the sliders is made from a different tiny Beholder Eye. Then you follow up the eyeball flight with a juicy Antimagic Eye Burger that’s full sized so you’re not hungry later. Cook ’em up to charbroiled perfection and you’re good to go.
Kraken Tempura
Sure. Kraken Sushi is right there, but I mean just look at the tentacles on that thing. They’re dripping with ancient evil power and thick, armored scales. And that just screams batter and fry to me. Serve with some dipping sauce and maybe some other local vegetables so you can pretend that what you’re eating is healthy.
If you’re insisting on Kraken Sushi you probably want to catch a Juvenile Kraken:
That’s some fine looking nigiri waiting to happen right there.
Oblex Artichoke Dip
Oblexes are oozes created by mind flayers to feed on other creatures’ memories. They then use these memories to create gooey replicas of their victim, which they then use to further hunt and feed.
Though they are cunning, they are empty without the nourishment of memories and personalities, and a single Oblex can serve its creators by finding choice victims and aiding in infiltration.
Which is why you should absolutely not feel bad about turning them into a delicious dip. They’re gooey. They’re full of rich flavor from all the personalities they’ve absorbed. Throw a little artichoke heart in there and you’ve got it made in the shade.
Mimic S’mores
Hear me out. Mimics are notoriously sticky. It’s like one half of their whole deal. They adhere to anything that touches one, grappling up to Huge creatures automatically and giving disadvantage on escape attempts.
They extrude sticky pseudopods that can pull you in for a bite attack. And yes, they most often look like treasure chests or whatever curious adventurers are likely to touch. But consider, that stickiness is basically a marshmallow kind of quality. Heat ’em up and serve with graham crackers and melted chocolate.
Abyssal Chicken Sandwich
Look, classics are classics for a reason. And you just can’t beat a good chicken sandwich. So why not try an inherently evil chicken sandwich.
Just make sure you cook it up with some holy oil so you don’t end up getting a little too much abyss in you. But, look at it, there’s no way that thing isn’t delicious.
What meals would you make out of the monsters of D&D’s manual?
