40k Is Better Than Kittens
It’s a Pimpcron article … we don’t even know what he’s talking about.
Well hello my little darlings! Pimpcron is here again, and I want to help you figure out a question that many of you struggle with.
Which is better: 40k or kittens?
So we’ve all been there: standing in the local pet store, staring at the kittens in the cages while holding a new box of 40k in the other hand; just looking back and forth between the two in deep contemplation. A million different things rush through our mind:
Do kittens have Rending?
How much does a Carnifex model poop?
Does this store have any kittens that worship Chaos?
Will a Dreadnaught tear up my couch while I’m at work?
It can be quite stressful to try to figure this out on your own, but your old pal Pimpcron is here to help.
If you get them de-powerfisted, they will shred your furniture a lot less.
Kittens Are A Poor Investment
So you pay all of this money for the little guy and you have him for like a week before he starts getting all sick-like and laying around. After a quick search on the web, you find out that these damn little things have to eat food pretty much every day! The lady at the store didn’t mention anything about having to shell out more money for this thing on a daily basis. Ya know what hardly ever eats? 40k models. If you ask any experienced Warhammer 40k player, they will tell you that these little plastic things eat so little, you won’t even notice.
Pure evil.
Ever heard of Cats getting ill? Yeah, something else the pet store employee just happens to leave out when you’re padding her wallet is that these things get sick all the time. And you’re lucky to get ten years of mileage out of one. They may seem pretty durable, but the keen observer will notice that under all of the fur, they are really pretty squishy and just as prone to sickness as you or I. And don’t even get me started on all of the other hazards of the world that injure kittens. Do you even know how many more 40k models you could buy with all of the money you spend on veterinarian bills? Like something nice, something from Forgeworld maybe. Plus, 40k models generally have a lifespan much longer than cats. Some proud 40k owners still have their loving little litters from way back in the 80’s.
Bigred’s IG – from 1989.
What about if you go to sell your kitten when it grows up to be a cat? You might be able to sell it for what you paid, maybe. But that is a serious depreciation in price per pound of cat. You’d think that it would be worth more when it is bigger, I mean there is more of it than there used to be! But nope. Pet store lady strikes again, laughing at your misfortune from the bushes as you exchange money for your cat at a serious discount per pound from what you initially paid. 40k on the other hand, generally keeps about 75% of it’s value, unlike that dumb mammal you were thinking about buying. And that doesn’t even factor in the cost of all of the food you’ve fed it over the years.
Kittens Will Ruin Your Life
And they’ll laugh at your misfortune.
Here is a story about a friend of mine who made the wrong choice when it came to cats versus Warhammer. I’ll change personal information to protect his identity. His name is … Charles Thomas Monogram, aged 39. He is of average height and build, and a list of his fears include snakes, drowning, and algebra. That’s enough backstory. Anyway, he found himself in this predicament a couple years ago when he passed through the pet aisle with an arm full of 40k to buy. Well, 30 minutes later he was at home without the 40k and with a new orange kitty cat that liked to cuddle.
I’ll spare you the boring details, but within twenty years of buying that cat, he got in a car accident. COICIDENCE?! I don’t think so. At his funeral, we all couldn’t help but wonder how this all could have been avoided if he had just bought those Guardsmen boxes. If that sad tale isn’t enough to change your mind, then the pet store lady wins. And I’m pretty sure she’s a terrorist.
Don’t let the kitten-peddling terrorists win, buy more 40k.
[snorts] Huh!? I just woke up in the middle of blogging again. Oh well, it’s got a lot of words, so I won’t bother proof-reading it and I’ll just post it.
HEY GUESS WHAT? What Godzilla, Mr. Peanut, and Ms. Pacman refer to as “The Pimpcron” has created a Warhammer 40k/Wargaming Convention in December 2016. If you live in the Mid-Atlantic area of the U.S. you might want to come have fun with this crazy and adorable robot . . . Like us on Facebook for Updates HERE.
Want to witness my slow descent into madness, first-hand? Check out my blog at
www.diceforthedicegod.com
