Warhammer 40k: The Unsafest Walkers In the Galaxy
The Primaris Invictor Warsuit joins an elite club of the bravest and nuttiest walkers in the galaxy. Here they are.
Let’s be honest – the Grimdark isn’t really known for its record of operator safety and OSHA regulations. This is a universe where Orks hurl Snotlings through the warp to kill foes, and the Necrons unleash chained gods to destroy reality itself alongside their enemies.
So it’s no surprise that a great many races have developed walking weapon platforms that have a shall we say… cavalier attitude towards pilot safety. Here’s our favorite “you’re braver than you are smart” war machines of the Grimdark:
Invictor Tactical Warsuit
So the concept is we take a Redemptor Dreadnought, yank out the sarcophagus, strip down a lot of its armor, remove its large weapons, and make it quiet. Stick in a chair with a roll cage up front, and tell the Primaris pilot his power armor is good enough. I LIKE it! They should use these in squads of 5 and run on in there. Also, note the sneaky walker has only really LOUD bolters and machine guns…
Eldar War Walker
Ahh, the decades-old classic. So real quick remember the Guardian pilot was probably an infinity-barista 2 weeks ago… It’s fast, sneaky, packs a pair of solid Eldar heavy weapons, and is protected by not only a windshield (eat your heard out Imperials), but an energy field. It’s also Eldar, so I’m sure it’s comfy, has heated leather seats, Apple car-play, plus sport and off-road modes. It’s clearly a convertible. Some days it’s good to be an infinity-barista.
Sororitas Penitent Engine
On the other hand… Someone forgot to say her last set of prayers at the fortress-convent last year. Oops. The Penitent Engine is maybe the closest to Orky the Imperium has ever gotten – and it’s meant at a punishment. You get no armor, no rollbar, no energy-field, no windshield, and almost no clothes. This is pretty much that nightmare of being in class naked – but in battle.
Grey Knights Dreadknight
You can say all kinds of things about the Dreadknight, but at least the Grey Knights care about safety – a little. You get a snap-down safety harness – which is kind of like a seatbelt. You also get to pilot it wearing your Terminator armor – which you will recall was originally designed to do maintenance INSIDE plasma reactors… So it could be way, way, way worse (see above). The giant Final Fantasy sword is snazzy, and the shenanigans you can pull with the dual fists is pretty cool. Just don’t tell the Inquisition you bought these from the T’au – they might be a bit peeved.
Tau Stormsurge
Speaking of THE authority on armored suits. All that insane firepower, thick armor, and NO ROOF! Not even an energy shield or even a tarp to keep the sun off you. For the greatest good indeed. In theory, once this thing gets in melee with just about anything it’s dead, so maybe the theory is that it’s best to be thrown clear of the wreckage. But I saw all those Driver’s Ed films in high school and that never works out the way you wanted.
Astra Militarum Sentinel
I have a soft spot for the old plucky Sentinel. It gotta be dirt cheap to manufacture, looks cool, can mount a single decent gun, looks like it’s super fun to drive – and totally, suicidally unsafe. So… the Willy’s Jeep of 40K. Somehow that is completely fitting. REMEMBER CADIA!
Honorary Mention – The Entire Ork Race
But they’re cool with it…
~Did we miss any? What is your favorite completely unsafe vehicle in the Grimdark?
