Pimpcron: 25 Ways To Spice Up Your Warhammer

Pimpcron made a listicle!

Boy do I love making lists. I list my enemies, my worst fears, and my children as dependents on my taxes. More so, I list my groceries and even my least favorite lists. So I figured that it would be fun to explore new ways to spice up your Warhammer games!

1. Fill one of the pouches of your army transport with M&Ms and give other players a fun size bag each time they make a good tactical decision.
2. Stroke your opponent’s hair affectionately when they remember to use Stratagems at the right time. The ratio of having to ask first is inversely related to how close your friendship is.
3. Let them use your tape measure if they forgot theirs. But scream at them each time they measure more than 12 inches.
4. Paint their entire army for them. Do not warn them or ask for permission.
5. Each time they win a game, give them a puppy.
6. Take the hardest list you can against them, and if they don’t cry after the game, you both go out for ice cream. Their treat.
7. Pretend not to speak English (or your native language) anymore in the middle of the game. Keep up this façade for the next time you play each other but then switch back abruptly the next week. Offer no explanation.
8. Remember their birthday, but don’t wish them a happy one. You need to keep other players at arm’s length. Mystery is the spice of life.
9. When you first meet someone, give them the wrong name for you. Then in company of others, act like they are crazy when they refer to you as that name.
10. Every other turn, you use the other player’s army as your own. Don’t ask for permission.
11. Yodel all of the flavor text for your stratagems when you play them.
12. Before the game, seductively say “let me slip into something more comfortable”, and come back wearing full plate mail.
13. Bring your hardest, cheesiest list and play as hard as you can, but only use D4’s for your rolls.
14. Each time your opponent looks away during a game, remove one of their models and place it in a building on you side of the board. At the end of the game give them back and claim that you found them.
15. Fill your army transport with brownie batter. You’ll make friends and bond as everyone licks your models clean. Suddenly you are the most popular player in the club.
16. Make terrain out of clay and take bites out of it during the battle. Each time you do this, spit out the chunk and declare how disgusting it tastes but give no reason for doing it.
17. Bring only a Magic: The Gathering deck to your game, proxying each unit as a different card.
18. Keep a Thesaurus in your bag instead of the rulebook and refer to it as often as possible for rules clarification.
19. Pretend to sleepwalk into the store and begin playing. Mid-game you need to wake up in a panic and accuse them of drugging you.
20. When a dice is cocked sideways, spit on it. If your opponent says “Ew” you keep the result you want. If they say nothing, they choose the result.
21. Warn your opponent that you will pee yourself if you lose another unit, then don’t ever mention it again. Deny it if they bring it up. Pee yourself anyway.
22. Make a cake and bring it to the store, everyone will be happy. Tell them you did it because of how much you care about their happiness. Then before anyone can have any, throw the entire cake in the trash and say, “Oh, yeah. I don’t.”
23. Pretend to be really angry at your models when you make mistakes tactically, yell at them and have conversations with them. Pick a model up, turn around and whisper to it loud enough that others can hear you.
24. Take their book and use their unit stats as your own. See if they catch on.
25. If you roll to charge and get double numbers, quit the game. When they ask why, tell them you’re sick of numbers ruling your life.

Well there you have it. If you find yourself sick and tired of the same old boring game, just pick randomly on this list and do what it says. If both players use this chart it will make your game extra exciting.

Hey! This article is brought to you by my top-tier Patreon supporter Mike C.!

Thanks Michael, smooches!

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Author: Scott W.

Guest Columnist