Let’s Play D&D With (the) Barbie(arian)
Come on Barbie, let’s go collect an adventuring party and embark on magical quests all over the world. Ah ah ah, yeah.
Barbie (and Oppenheimer) come out this week, and whether you’re seeing one, the other, or both back-to-back (godspeed) I’m completely sure you’ll have a one-of-a-kind cinematic experience. Both were floated as weekly sheet ideas, or even combining them into a Barbienheimer somehow sheet somehow. But I wasn’t sure what to do with that one at all. And in the end, I decided to go for the one with the most potential laughs. This week we’re playing D&D with…
The Barbiearian
Have you seen this joke floating around the internet? Probably! I can’t claim any credit for how funny the pun “Barbiearian” is at all. But I did know that I had to make that sheet. And anyway, Barbie can really be anything. Since 1959 Barbie has been an actor, an artist, a musician, a business owner, a teacher, multiple varieties of doctors, served in multiple branches of the military, served multiple political offices (including the president), a detective, a firefighter, an astronaut, an architect, an Olympic martial artist (and 8 other Olympic sports as well), a race car drive, a beekeeper, a superhero, and the tooth fairy. Just to name a few. What’s Barbie do? Everything.
She is also ageless, eternal, and ethereal, so I made her a High Elf. Even though she’s a Barbarian and Strength should have been her highest stat, I decided to give it to Charisma… Because she’s Barbie. Not to worry though, Strength is still pretty up there. And then we got down to Barbarian business.
We went with Path of the Ancestral Guardian because this is the Barbarian sub-class that seeks guidance from the spirits of their ancestors. And I thought who better to guide Barbie than last season’s Barbie? Need guidance with a political matter? There’s a Barbie for that. A medical one? We got that too. Just want to know how to make that mutton really tasty on the campfire? Chef Barbie to the rescue.
And then there’s the most important part (and the first thing lost) of every Barbie doll package: the accessories. And yes, Barbie is bringing the accessories. Her weapons are hot pink, her chariot is topless to let the sun in, and you know that armor is embossed with a big ‘B’. Branding is important. And when it’s time to go home after a long day of adventuring, she has the keys to the dream castle, complete with an elevator and pool. Of course.
But Barbie needs a hype-man. And I think we all know the right man for the job.
…and Ken
He’s just Ken.
How would you make Barbie for a D&D setting? Which of these week’s big blockbusters will you be seeing? Or are you a ‘both’ or ‘neither’ sort of person? What movie, show, comic, game, or book should I make sheets from next time? Let us know in the comments!
Happy adventuring, Barbie girls!
